Peeps; A Rant

At Beth’s wedding in May 2008, an army of Peeps readied itself for an attack on Minas Tirith …

The other day my daughter Briahna said the darndest thing. She said, “I like to leave Peeps out for about a week so they get stale”. Mary and I just looked at her funny. Why? Because she was actually serious about it.

Newsflash, Bri: Peeps are made stale. They’re stale marshmallows. Inside, they’re just weird. And the outer crust is as though they’ve been in the sun too long next to the untouched potato salad that smells like overused and underwashed wet feet.

That’s why I hate Peeps. They’re just nasty.

They even look evil. Look at that photo. I didn’t do anything to the Peeps in the photo to make them look evil. They just do. From Captain Quint in Jaws, those are “Lifeless eyes, like a dolls eyes”. And so many of them. They’re just … wrong. And evil.

Peeps belong in the wrong side of the stories of Lord of the Rings. There should be a movie titled Attack of the Killer Peeps. And to paraphrase Nathan Lane in Mouse Hunt, “Nostradamus didn’t see these things coming”.

And they are coming. This weekend. Peeps are coming in droves.

Beware of their cutesy inroads. Peeps Lip Balm. The Peeps Diorama Contest at the Washington Post.

Then there are recipes for cloning.

And Lord of the Peeps.

So don’t give me any friggin’ Peeps. Any Peeps given to me will be shipped to the home of a Toledo police officer, where the Peeps will be severely dealt with.

I kid you not.


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  1. Again with the PEEPS!!!! You just don’t know what you are missing in not enjoying these scrumptious treats that only come around at holiday time. In fact at Walmart I was overcome by the dizzying rainbow of colors they now come in. And as for what Brianna said she is right when PEEPS have had a chance to rest at room air (just like a fine wine) they are better and the eyes are much easier to get off( which is the part I prefer to eat first). So I suggest you just get yourself in that G6 and head over to Walmart and get that girl some PEEPS and maybe, just maybe, she will let you try one after it has aired-out for a few days and you will finally come to your senses and know the true joy of a colorful stale PEEP. I just hope we do not have to revisit this next year.

  2. You’re REALLY peeped off, aren’t you?

  3. I bought some at Kroger on sale. I remember liking them as a kid, but now I find them inedible. I was nauseous for a good hour after eating just one. I will disagree on one point though, I think they’re adorable. The cute disguise is part of the evil that is the peep.

    Rebecca’s last blog post..Peep madness

  4. I share your hatred for Peeps. They are cute but vile tasting.

  5. Saw them being made on some behind the scenes show. Funniest part was when a whole row was deformed and the quality guy picked up a sheet of em and dispatched them into a waste barrel for rework. PLOP! their sad eyes beseeching….why us??? why us???

  6. Karen, that’s hilarious! But really, they should ALL be dispatched into a waste barrel …

  7. I love Peeps and have since I was a kid! My kids love them, too. I eat a very healthy diet, although I will eat a Peep if someone offers on Easter.
    I will have to try airing for a couple of days and see how that compares…they don’t usually make it that long.

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